http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/the_way_we_live/article3662848.ece

I do feel like some of it applies to me.  I am definitely “panicked by the aging process” and although I still LOVE going out dancing and hitting the bars, I do feel like those years “should” be behind me to some extent.  Nowhere was it more evident than last night when I was out in Santa Monica and went to Makai.  I ended up talking to this cute Asian dude at length.  He must have been no more than like 28 and we had a great convo, full of wonderful flirtation & chemistry.  At one point, however, I went to the bar to refill my water, and told him to follow me cuz he was going to order a drink also, and when I turned around, ding – he was talking to some other girl.  Ack!  What the?  Well, I am now well along enough in the dating scene, not to mention confident enough in myself, that I didn’t want to go chasing after this guy, lame.  As I always say, I don’t chase – I get chased.  Heh.  But seriously.  I don’t wanna mess with pulling the power card and trying to get him to be re-interested in me, by going over and interrupting the convo with this other chick.  Do I really care?

I did have self-doubts like “oh god did he see me in too bright of a light and saw some of my crinkly eye wrinkles?  Eep…”  Nothing like a look in the mirror in harsh flourescents to bring reality back to earth.

Anyhoo, that incident did kind of piss me off and wonder if I really should be putting the bar scene behind myself.  I still like going out, and I think I look good, but it’s situations like that which can kind of ding the self confidence.

So maybe I am in a thrisis in that regard.  But I still feel pretty happy with my job and with my life situation, so i don’t know if I’m yet in a full thirties crisis.  However, sad to think that I am now fast on the road to 40.

To cheer myself up, I am going to keep this quote in mind:  “Age is authoritarian!”  Brilliant.  A spin on the “you’re only as old as you feel.”  But age really defines us as humans… you can’t help but hear how old someone is without your mind filling with themes and assumptions that go along with a given age.

This post has no real easy way to sum it up with a bow and seal it off.  I am just kind of rambling here and getting some thoughts on paper while I process my thinking.